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Becoming a Source of LIGHT

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Becoming a Source of LIGHT 

I had a very interesting birthday of intense inner revelations and connection once more within. It’s been a while since I’ve written in form of pure inner connection where it’s just me and my higher self where I am writing for ultimately myself, to clear our my mind and to let my Higher Self seep through because this usually where the magic happens…

So yes I do miss you, I miss writing in this connected state.

I don’t know why I don’t do it more often…

cache_577623004I connected the night before yesterday more intensely with my Higher Self than ever before. She was able to communicate to me much more clearly, literally having a fluid conversation of back and forth, it was truly beautiful.

During our conversation, I was able to ask her questions and fully engage with her in a much clearer way. And through it certain revelations came up for me so here is one I will share tonight.

I remembered that my soul originally came in as an Indigo, I entered this reality with the veil lifted. But somewhere midway my soul chose to change it up, start to forget in order to become green ( meaning my aura) it was now going to operate from the heart chakra to master that energy.

Which now, makes total sense as to why for a many years I’ve had this lingering feeling that I’ve been trying to get a part of myself back-not really know what that all was about…

But there was a feeling, a specific way of being that lingered within me. The remnants of the past-of how I once was, still lingered in me. I always just knew, I didn’t have to try, I didn’t have to question or doubt I just knew things.

But now I understand the ‘WHY’ my soul choose to switch it up and learn through the heart chakra. The heart isn’t always clear light energy, especially when you first start to work with it. You have to overcome and clear out a lot of different heavy energies and through them learn compassion, which leads to understanding and understanding leads to connection

When we operate from compassion we are then able to understand others better. Because you start to judge less, you become more open through compassion, you start seeing yourself in others and you begin to see that your judgements prevent you from deeply connecting with another. And what is actually occurring in the bigger picture, when we keep ourselves separate from other people, is that we are actually keeping ourselves separate from our own divine connection. Because it is in connecting with others that then we can take our own inner connection with ourselves to deeper levels, closer to source energy. Closing the separation gap, which is part of the illusion, the game in this reality.

When I was very young I was fully aware, open, very sensitive and empathic where I felt others people pain and emotions as my own. Often becoming lost in their feelings which served to make me feel more lost within myself, not knowing who I was.

Though I was empathic, I wasn’t very compassionate, I didn’t have a lot of tolerance for people and felt that humans overall where stupid. I disliked most people simply because I didn’t understand how they could be the way they were, the way they acted towards each other, and how they couldn’t see the simple solutions that existed right before their eyes, that to me were so obvious.

Feeling that the world should make more sense and that people didn’t need to feel the pain and confusion they experienced. So between feeling all those emotions of disconnection between myself and the this reality, to trying to please others in order to make them feel good. To becoming lost in their feelings and trying to take on their burdens (problems) as my own, solving it for them became too much, to handle. Especially when others couldn’t recognize me for who I was, therefore having very little outside validation growing up. And all of those things combined angered and depressed me, and that served to further isolate me away from others and little by little that isolation drove me into myself.

(The awesome thing in all of this, is you can see that everything is always working out perfectly, there’s a higher reason for all that we experience because that lack of outside validation helped me become more self sufficient and independent, allowing me to find my own path without relying on others by going within.

And though as a child I was not totally alone and unrecognized because my parents recognized who I was to the degree that they recognized who they were, which applies to all of us… Everyone is doing the best they can at their level of existence.)

But in those early years of my life I truly felt alienated, I felt that I didn’t belong here on earth, I felt very much separate from people and  it was because I saw and felt the world different from so many around me.  And now, understanding more of the bigger picture of it all-it makes perfect sense as to why I was always so ahead of my time growing up. Why I was always  mentally  and emotionally older than my chronological age.  I understood things that adults felt a child at my age can’t or shouldn’t be able to understand. Shit, I was giving parents and adults advice on their life and how to raise their kids at eight, nine, ten years old etc….Pretty cool now, when I think about it. Not so cool then, since being that way made things more difficult for me. Not being understood and all, jaja….

So though I had come in with this beautiful gift that we all have because it is simply our natural state. Yet many souls especially of the older generations choose to come into this experience with the veil on ( forgetting to then re-remember) to experience the great turbulence of this earth dimension that is so different from the fine, clear, harmonious energies of the higher dimensions in which we come from.

So even though I came in knowing, that made it much more difficult for me in dealing with the harsher energies of this plane. Making me harder, I lacked patience and most of all I lacked full compassion, it was almost an attitude of how can you not see it, how can you not get it , it’s so clear what the solution is to your situation etc…

And even though growing up I was always guiding people indirectly not knowing myself that I was guiding them because-(I was just being me) but in doing that, it isolated me further from others and those I was trying to love and help. It was like the more wisdom I shared with them the further away they went. I understand now why that was, I was a clear mirror for them and many times people aren’t ready to face an aspect of themselves.

So what do you do? You leave and remove yourself from what makes you uncomfortable…

I would say and know things, I didn’t know how I knew them. I was saw the different paths and outcomes to a problem, I would always say things to people and predict things that would later happen. But even though I could do all of this so effortlessly because it was me, just being.

Here is the kicker…I couldn’t actually get on their level because I was always trying to bring them to my level, without actually having been on their level. If that makes sense. I found this revelation pretty profound 

So even though I could see ahead of my time and I knew what each person needed to know in those moment that would help them. I couldn’t actually connect with them, because I was coming from where I was at and not meeting them at their level of existence. Which makes for connecting really difficult therefore it makes the information you bring forth much harder to receive, people are less receptive… Pretty amazing, huh?

So now I understand why my soul somewhere along the way decided to switch it up and instead of operating as the Indigo energy I came in with, I began operating from the Heart Chakra energy.

source ofNo longer would my aura be Indigo it was now Green as I was on path to master the heart. I never actually fully knew this, to the extent I now know.  I always just had this feeling about it, as if I were two different energies (people) and there was a part of me that I once knew so well but somehow lost. Yet I could never quite articulate it, to this extent.

Although I will say, when I executed Teal Swans workshop in Atlanta and I was hanging out with her and Sarbdeep in the backroom. Sarbdeep decided to ask Teal at one point, what was the color of my aura?

Teal looked at me laughed and turned to him and said she knows her color. She knows, you know. And I looked at her and I said no, I really don’t, BUT I think its green.

She gave her little cute chuckle and she said you are actually an Indigo but you purposely changed to Green midway which is that healing energy that people feel from you but no, you are very much an Indigo.

I remember hearing that and saying hmm that interesting that really resonates with the feeling I’ve had inside of feeling like two different people and as if I’ve been trying to get a part of myself back. But I didn’t ask her anything further then what she shared with me. Later I kinda regretted my decision but actually now I understand why I didn’t ask her further because at some point in the future my own higher self would be revealing the why of  it to me.

And it is fun when people can tell you things about yourself, but it is even greater when you can experience it for yourself. So much better for your integration process.

So now, here I AM-it all makes sense, the dots are connected…

In order to really help others and myself further evolve I was going to need to learn how to connect with others from where their at, I was going to have to see myself in others in order to connect and close the separation gap. Because you can’t really change or evolve something without first understanding it on a visceral level and you can only achieve that through compassion.

It’s clear as to why I am, who I am today, it makes sense. I’ve master the heart chakra very well. And now I recognize that my soul at this point is entering a new phase in my own evolution.

Where the time has come for me to blend both worlds back into myself.  Having worked through the heart I will now be experiencing a whole new level of reality for me to play, explore and learn through as I move forward in this reality more fully integrated as the full being that I am.

Feels great to be back, to be more blended and integrated from within, what a great way to enter my 29th birthday in this reality. It’s going to be a wild ride!

FOLLOW-YOUR-OWN-PATH-320x200Glad I listen to my intuition, and mustered up the courage to travel the world, I believe that a lot of these new revelation and blending was contingent upon me following my path and making a decision to follow the voice within despite my fear. Trusting more in my dreams than in my fear….

 

 

With LOVE,

SF

 

 

The post Becoming a Source of LIGHT appeared first on Creating Within.


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